A couple years ago, blogging was my means of escape into a portal of writing. I found comfort in spilling my thoughts – however random, whimsical or dark they were – and didn’t seem to care if my words were read by people I knew or complete strangers. And that was because I was blogging for myself.

But over the last year or so, I haven’t been able to be completely honest with my blog. Whenever I start a new post, I’m reminded that I’m displaying my writing, personality and thoughts in front of an audience – some of which I know and don’t. I’m totally okay having my blog read by strangers, but it’s the ones who know me whom I feel slightly guarded against.

So the truth is that I’m afraid of being judged. And lots of what I have to say might put me in a very different light from the girl I often appear to be.

For starters, I think misery breeds good poetry. As morbid as it sounds, it’s actually true for me. When I’m down, I’m inspired to write my heart out to unleash some of the pain. And of course I worry about these things being read by people I know – so I clam up. I don’t publish these things at all, for the fear of having people know the demons I face on a daily basis. Everyone has demons of their own. Like my friend noted wisely, we’re all facing different demons, but undergoing the same hell.

Bottom line is – no one is perfect. And maybe I’ve been trying to keep this blog alive by trying to focus on the good stuff that’s going on. While it’s great to focus on the positive, I realized I’ve been neglecting some of the real, raw stuff that never had a chance to surface here because I’d been too shy to share.

I still think it’s important to keep a certain amount of privacy hereΒ because hey, this is the internet after all and we know we shouldn’t disclose everything about ourselves on here. Sometimes, being private is the best choice. But I also want to find more freedom and comfort in expressing my thoughts without clamming up all the time. I want to remember why I fell in love with blogging in the first place. I want to be real with writing.

And today is the start of that. πŸ™‚

PS: If you can relate to this,Β I’d be really glad to hear your thoughts! Happy weekend, peeps!



10 thoughts on “Honestly

  1. Veronica

    Yep, what I’m going through, except my online story began more than 10 years ago.. look forward to sharing “getting back to authentic blogging” struggles with you — just started a similar a-to-z challenge blog myself!

    1. Carissa Gan

      Thanks for taking the time to comment, Veronica. All the best to both of us as we attempt to get back to authentic blogging, and may we enjoy the journey and all that it brings! πŸ™‚

  2. omobim1

    Yah, i just started putting my words out there so I can relate, the thing is do YOU, your fans will still remain, those that don’t weren’t meant to.. enjoy writing

    1. Carissa Gan

      Yes I completely agree. We shouldn’t write to please – we should write what we really feel. I think some of the best pieces I’ve ever read are the ones where the writer leaves behind a small slice of himself/herself within the words. There’s so much beauty in raw truth. Have fun with your writing too! 😊

  3. Colleen Hathaway

    Internally, we all desire to be known. That being said, readers like to relate to what they’re reading. Think of books you’ve enjoyed- whether they’re fiction or non. What parts do you remember most? What were you most passionate about while reading and (later) remembering them? More often than not, it’s when you could put yourself in a character’s shoes and really understand their struggles because you were inside their head and experiencing life the way they did. So now we’re living in a time where social media makes it so easy to be fake or only show the parts of our lives that are “squeaky clean” with: filters (instagram), tidbits (twitter), glamour (pinterest), etc. And I do believe that because we know we’re being judged for the content we put out there, we’re more inclined to make it pretty and make it look like we’re leading fabulous adventures.

    That being said, society is thirsting for real things- but in balance. Yes, if you flip on the news stations, a plethora of negativity will hit you. And our coping mechanisms for that seem to be increased satire and mockery of people. Rather than building up the good, we’re continuously shown the bad. So in terms of writing your blog to find the good that God has given us- I love that! We need more positivism. But you should never feel bad about writing about the other feelings as well. We hurt, we’re messy, we have bad hair days, and sometimes life just sucks. And we’re supposed to experience all the feelings that exist. So to write about them, essentially, makes you real.

    Love the realness that is you and others will follow.
    And remember: those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. ❀

    1. Carissa Gan

      Those are such wise and comforting words πŸ™‚ You’re absolutely right. We should never feel bad about writing about the negativity or the mess we’re in. Thank you for the encouragement – as always!! I miss you heaps! ❀️

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